mybump

Hi there...I just found this site yesterday while I was google searching for information...I just want to tell everyone a little about my story...

I met my bf almost 2 years ago over the summer...I met him in a pub close to my house that my friend and I occasionally went to...I'm a single mom with 3 awesome kids...We had a great relationship for the first year...I fell in love with him and my kids fell in love with him too...He moved in with us after about 4 months of dating...He was always super attentive to me (and to the kids), very sweet, very loving...He always drank but I didn't really see it as a problem in the beginning...I also knew that he use to be addicted to cocaine...I have never been around drugs or an alcoholic in my life...I just thought that we were strong enough to get through anything together...He started being drunk more and more...He started to get mean with me (only in the last few months), which he had NEVER done in the past, ever...He has never been physical with me but that is not to say that I haven't been afraid that he could be...I have been afraid of him a couple of times...All of a sudden he became someone I didn't know...Very unreliable, not being home when he said he would be, telling me he wanted freedom to "drink" because thats when he feels happy...I ended up kicking him out, this isn't the first time but its never been this final...He always comes back crying and apologetic the next day and its really hard for me because in those moments when hes sober I see glimpses of what he use to be ...This time, I discovered that I am pregnant...5 weeks pregnant now...We have had some conversations and I learned that he has been not only drinking but he has been using and lying to me for over a year...I had no idea...I feel so stupid for not seeing the signs...He has been "clean" supposedly for over a week because he says he wants to be a part of our lives, however, he is drinking a lot...The only time I hear from him since he has moved out, is in the middle of the night after I am asleep and my kids are in bed...He will call repeatedly and when he comes over he is intoxicated and argumentative...I have offered to go to AA/NA with him, I have looked at treatment options for him...He doesn't seem to be interested in any of it...He says he can do it on his own...Last night I didn't answer his calls...I'm devastated by this and so are my kids (athough they obviously don't know about the drugs and only a little about the alcohol as they have seen him intoxicated)...I don't know if I should stand by him and help him through it or if I should run so my baby isn't raised always feeling like he/she can't compete with the alcohol/drugs...That is how I feel so what impact will it have on an innocent child?? Sorry to keep rambling, I'm just beside myself and don't really know what to do anymore...Thanks for listening!