Rose,
I think you've really touched on some issues that we all are dealing with or have dealt with. The sex issue has always been a huge one for me. I have slept on the couch many nights after being "kicked out" of our bed for refusing, but I stick to my guns about not performing when he has been drinking. However, I have also found that since I have been working on the detachment that even when he is not drinking that that has become more forced for me. My A has not admitted that he has a problem, and of course isn't seeking help. He just (for now) has quit hanging at the local bars. Maybe if he was seeking help that would make it easier.
I read where you mentioned your Church. That is something else I am critized for. I am accused of being a Holy Roller now. I teach at the Church Preschool and have become very involved at the Church.
I also worry about the reprocussions if he was to injure someone, but I haven't explored that avenue. I will be interested to know if there is anything that could be done to protect ourselves or if we're just left out there hanging.
Keep posting and working through it. We're gonna make it to the other side. I feel sure of it!!!
Constant