Wow Scott. Not a time to have thin skin.
But its all good. I know you wouldnt be saying it if you werent truly concerned.
You know..I retyped a response 2 times. And it was full of justifications.
But what am I trying to justify? That going to that very same Dr is when I threw 7 mos away last year which led to a 3 mos binge that landed me in jail?
It was an appt I desperately needed to keep. There was never any doubt in my mind that I wouldnt make it back until I was on my way home.
But thats when all the detours fall into place. I know.
My fault. And it could have been a fatal one.
I should have asked someone to come with me.
And just for the record. I like to think I have made many actual changes. I'm not hoping for Sh*t anymore.
Contrary to popular belief. I didnt sleep my 4 mos away. Far from it. I was up everyday at the azz crack of dawn and didnt go back to sleep until midnight or later. Once in awhile I took an hour nap. If I was lucky. I did programs while I was there, I was a trustee with a job everyday. I did a whole lot of reconnecting and exploring my spirituality. I must have read 20 books on self help and spirituality. And actually got a very good understanding of what my HP could be and how to work it in with 12 steps. I worked on reconnecting with my sponsor and my old councelor. I met others who came in for meetings and made plans of what I could and would do upon release. I have been to a meeting. I seen my old councelor the same day I was released. Talked to her and my sponsor numerous times in just a week. Its only been a week. I dont know what more I can do.
I do know I am not going to live my life scared of myself , my addiciton or my recovery.
Aside from not having someone go with me to the Dr, I think I have done pretty good. And thats my fault because it didnt feel like a red flag situation in my mind or physical being at the time. But that can always change. I will take that one.
Thanks for giving a crap tho. If things didnt sting sometimes it would never sink in.
Thast why I had to think about this for a couple hours before I did respond.