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Finally made the RIGHT turn

Old 01-30-2011, 06:26 PM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
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Finally made the RIGHT turn

It seems everytime I have had the choice of going to get high or go where I am suppose to that the turn has always been go right to what I am suppose to do or go left or strait to hell. Every time. as long as I can remember.

Friday I had to go for a band fill in the city I get high in. By myself I went. Coming out it was right to go home or left to go to the block. I thought about going left to see what was going on. That old ..Look at me, I'm back, Whats good? And the answer is ALWAYS nothing good.

I thought about what was waiting for me to the right. Home, My family, the kids waiting to make homemade chocolate chip cookies, freedom and hope.

It didnt take a second thought to go right.

And we made the best cookies ever.

Later that night. Pushed myself to a meeting.
Again..Go right to the meeting or strait to the city.

I made that right with no hesitation.

I have made many attempts to go to that meeting in the past and never even turned the signal on to go right.

It was a huge step for me. A decision that wasnt too hard really. But it did take for me to make myself aware of all angles and consequences and outcomes. I finally stopped long enough to weigh my options. Not rationalizing anything. Just weighing my options and the outcome.

I learned that from alot of you guys here at SR.
If I can catch on. Anybody can.

I know some may think I am cold from reading my one thread. Maybe think I am headed back to using. I thought I was too.
I am not cold, just working on my defects just like anyone else.

I'm am very proud of myself for making the RIGHT decision.
I know it is just the first of many more. With the help of my real friends and family. I cant go wrong.
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Old 01-30-2011, 06:31 PM
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Right On



Keep on Keeping on, how awesome for you and your family!
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Old 01-30-2011, 08:44 PM
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I take SR on the road with me alot. I have helpful posts (my favorites) in my head. Thanks SR!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-30-2011, 09:48 PM
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Keep making that next right turn, and you will be just fine.

Good for you!
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Old 01-30-2011, 10:26 PM
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............where to begin?

Trish what are you really doing here? Tempting yourself for what reasons? This early in recovery for the 1093840468th time and walking/driving (you didn't specify) ALONE within minutes from a hot block????

You can only strap so many cinder blocks onto your back until you collapse. And I WILL guarantee that if you continue to put yourself in predicaments like the one above you detailed you WILL relapse again.

You said above that you have done this drive many times and most have resulted in you going LEFT (to the drug) . So what made you come to the conclusion you would repeat the exact same process and come out okay? Luckily you did but come on, what are the odds of you succeeding long term with this mentality? You need to examine the patterns that put you into vulnerable states and CHANGE them. There is a reason they throw people into in patient rehab for multiple months under constant supervision upon initial recovery. It's because subconsciously your addicted brain will put you into stressful and high relapse situations just waiting for you to crack.

You know me pretty well and know I am mostly a 'gentle' supporter but I've just seen you fail to many da.mn times. When I first got sober my therapist told me not to trust ANY decision that I made. None, NOT ONE. Sure it was embarrassing being a 23 year old guy bouncing any and every movement I made off parents and therapist but it was necessary.

Start making some actual changes Trish...don't just hope this time you will be strong enough to succeed. ~~ your friend.
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Old 01-31-2011, 02:39 PM
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Wow Scott. Not a time to have thin skin.
But its all good. I know you wouldnt be saying it if you werent truly concerned.

You know..I retyped a response 2 times. And it was full of justifications.
But what am I trying to justify? That going to that very same Dr is when I threw 7 mos away last year which led to a 3 mos binge that landed me in jail?

It was an appt I desperately needed to keep. There was never any doubt in my mind that I wouldnt make it back until I was on my way home.
But thats when all the detours fall into place. I know.

My fault. And it could have been a fatal one.

I should have asked someone to come with me.

And just for the record. I like to think I have made many actual changes. I'm not hoping for Sh*t anymore.
Contrary to popular belief. I didnt sleep my 4 mos away. Far from it. I was up everyday at the azz crack of dawn and didnt go back to sleep until midnight or later. Once in awhile I took an hour nap. If I was lucky. I did programs while I was there, I was a trustee with a job everyday. I did a whole lot of reconnecting and exploring my spirituality. I must have read 20 books on self help and spirituality. And actually got a very good understanding of what my HP could be and how to work it in with 12 steps. I worked on reconnecting with my sponsor and my old councelor. I met others who came in for meetings and made plans of what I could and would do upon release. I have been to a meeting. I seen my old councelor the same day I was released. Talked to her and my sponsor numerous times in just a week. Its only been a week. I dont know what more I can do.

I do know I am not going to live my life scared of myself , my addiciton or my recovery.
Aside from not having someone go with me to the Dr, I think I have done pretty good. And thats my fault because it didnt feel like a red flag situation in my mind or physical being at the time. But that can always change. I will take that one.

Thanks for giving a crap tho. If things didnt sting sometimes it would never sink in.
Thast why I had to think about this for a couple hours before I did respond.
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