*big hugs* thank you for sharing Shellcrusher.
Oh, for the gift of foresight huh. Had I known then what I know now and all that. But, when.. not if, WHEN.. you come through this.. this experience will make you wiser, stronger etc.
I had a bout of counselling after leaving my ex. My counsellor, great and scarily wise woman, said something to me which had me blubbing like a baby.. she looked at me and said, 'You have been through an awful lot. Most of which would have sent a lesser person into a tail spin. Yet here you are, surviving, living, trying to understand, trying to work through it, trying to be the best person you can be. YOU are remarkable'.
I think that applies to you too.
Tx