Welcome CarelessWhisper and I am sorry for what brings you here.
I too came from a family with addicts on both sides and I too married an addict. I want to say to you the 3 C's that are posted here all the time
YOU DID NOT CAUSE IT
YOU CANNOT CONTROL IT and
YOU CANNOT CURE IT
The only thing you can do is take care of yourself. Please be gently with yourself and put the focus back on you. What you can do to feel better. I see a counselor every week, read books and articles, come on this site daily, and meetings. If you have not been to any face to face meeting before now might be a good time. You do not have to talk and can just listen. They say try at few before you decide if it is right for you. The book Codependent No More is a good start also. You also grew up with addicts and I would suggest you read about that also. I am reading It Will Not Happen To Me right now. It has given me great insight into my own behavior.
Please know that you can come and post anything at anytime here. There is almost always someone on here to reply. There are also online meetings and open chats here as well.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.