............where to begin?
Trish what are you really doing here? Tempting yourself for what reasons? This early in recovery for the 1093840468th time and walking/driving (you didn't specify) ALONE within minutes from a hot block????
You can only strap so many cinder blocks onto your back until you collapse. And I WILL guarantee that if you continue to put yourself in predicaments like the one above you detailed you WILL relapse again.
You said above that you have done this drive many times and most have resulted in you going LEFT (to the drug) . So what made you come to the conclusion you would repeat the exact same process and come out okay? Luckily you did but come on, what are the odds of you succeeding long term with this mentality? You need to examine the patterns that put you into vulnerable states and CHANGE them. There is a reason they throw people into in patient rehab for multiple months under constant supervision upon initial recovery. It's because subconsciously your addicted brain will put you into stressful and high relapse situations just waiting for you to crack.
You know me pretty well and know I am mostly a 'gentle' supporter but I've just seen you fail to many da.mn times. When I first got sober my therapist told me not to trust ANY decision that I made. None, NOT ONE. Sure it was embarrassing being a 23 year old guy bouncing any and every movement I made off parents and therapist but it was necessary.
Start making some actual changes Trish...don't just hope this time you will be strong enough to succeed. ~~ your friend.