The fact that your boyfriend is an alcoholic doesn't make you crazy for loving him. Many alcoholics are lovable people, so please don't feel bad about it. Loving someone and being able to live with them are not always the same thing, and ambivalence is very common among people involved with alcoholics. The situation can be very confusing. It sounds like you are working through things and considering the needs of your son, as well as yours.
Al Anon can be very helpful, and there are lots of good books available as well.
Good luck. Keep coming back.