Yeah, I think my gut is telling me to stop wishful thinking. All this time AH is claiming that he is not drinking and well sure he's not drinking when I see him because that is not very often.
I am trying to recover from the life we had and I think AH is just starting a new life without me and with his alcohol and just continuing to lie to me. The lying is what really killed any feelings I had for him.
I think I really need to stay away from him.
I just called him tonight with some excuse about confirming the schedule and it seemed he was drinking. He asked me is something bothering me and I didn't get drawn in but just said it's been bothering me that I don't see you as being honest with me and now is not a good time to talk and I'm having too much anxiety about getting together tomorrow so I need to cancel. I apologized. He said fine. There's nothing there between us and I'm so sad about it.
I just need to face reality and move forward on my own.