in a slump

Old 01-29-2011, 10:20 AM
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in a slump

Hello there - can anyone relate to this? I feel like I was doing so well, going to Alanon, focusing on 1 day at a time with the Alanon literature and reading on SR for the past 6 weeks or so and getting to a point where I don't react to AH much and for the most part stopped feeling sorry for myself and now this past week I just feel really sad.

I feel like I am calm but just really, really sad, like a quiet sad, not really even crying much.

I am trying to not stress myself out and make sure I get enough sleep but I don't seem to be getting much done, except the very bare essentials - which is a bit with 3 kids and work but nothing much more and of course, many things fall through the cracks.

AH and I spend about 2 hours a week together (we're separated) trying to do something fun, but it really isn't much fun because I feel so disconnected from a life with him, it's like being suspended in time with him.

I have been avoiding us spending time all together as a family as I don't want his nasty talk to start up or him storming out and making it seem to the kids that I am the main reason he is not living here with us. I did decide to invite him for dinner tomorrow, Sunday, as I feel I have more time to enjoy preparing a meal (as I like to get into the cooking when I have time) and was thinking I wanted to share something with AH but now I feel like I am getting anxious about it and not even sure why I did it in the first place. It doesn't seem like it is something I should be doing for me right now.

It's already done so I will make the best of it but not sure what is going on with me right now.
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Old 01-29-2011, 10:24 AM
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Let's see: You've got three kids and a job, and you're separated and attending Al-Anon and reading and thinking and growing... that sounds like a LOT to deal with at once.

There's nothing you should do. Or shouldn't. It's also late January, which is a hard time of the year for many people. I know I've just in the past couple of weeks felt like hibernation would be a fantastic idea.

My advice? Keep on keeping on. Try to turn your attitudes around when you can. Keep a gratitude journal: Find five things every night to be grateful for. And don't beat yourself up. If you don't want to do a weekly date with AH, don't.
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dancingnow (01-29-2011)
Old 01-29-2011, 10:54 AM
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Well, it seems to me that your gut is trying to tell you something is not quite right.

You said you were separated, and you referred to your A as your AH, so am I correct in assuming he is still an active A?

Did you invite him to dinner, and do you spend time with him in an effort to get back together?
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dancingnow (01-30-2011)
Old 01-29-2011, 05:23 PM
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Yeah, I think my gut is telling me to stop wishful thinking. All this time AH is claiming that he is not drinking and well sure he's not drinking when I see him because that is not very often.

I am trying to recover from the life we had and I think AH is just starting a new life without me and with his alcohol and just continuing to lie to me. The lying is what really killed any feelings I had for him.

I think I really need to stay away from him.

I just called him tonight with some excuse about confirming the schedule and it seemed he was drinking. He asked me is something bothering me and I didn't get drawn in but just said it's been bothering me that I don't see you as being honest with me and now is not a good time to talk and I'm having too much anxiety about getting together tomorrow so I need to cancel. I apologized. He said fine. There's nothing there between us and I'm so sad about it.

I just need to face reality and move forward on my own.
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seekingcalm (01-30-2011)
Old 01-29-2011, 06:10 PM
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I also have been like that in general for a few weeks or so. Just sort of sad, with anxiety, and not getting much done. I thought it was the winter weather. I'm not sure if it's winter where you are, but this could also be a possibility.

You may have gotten to the point where you've resigned yourself to the fact that it's not going to work, and are beginning to grieve about it. Do you know the five stages of grief? You can google them and see if your feelings fit into any of those categories right now. (((hugs)))
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Old 01-30-2011, 03:06 PM
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I hope that cancelling eased your anxiety. You did a good thing for yourself. I found that sadness was something that I could get through, but the anxiety of staying involved with an active A was something I could not.

It gets easier, it does. Take care of you.
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