My anger came in waves. I still have bitter moments and it's been a year and five months since I last saw my EX.
There is this thing when you live in a toxic situation where when you object to what's going on in your relationship and it gets turned back on you with anger, blame, doubt, name calling, and more. I believe the term is transference (correct me, those who know). The result of this for us is an insatiable hunger for validation. For someone on the outside to see, really see, what is going on and admit the wrong doing is real and is really the fault of the other.
I grew up being invalidated.
I grew up being told I was to blame.
I grew up feeling put down and disbelieved.
How easy it was to pin all the toxicity on me as an adult.
Validation is all I've ever wanted.
With recovery I have learned how to accept that what I went through with my EX did happen. He was and abusive, lying alcoholic. But at the time, many people we knew saw his truth where I doubted. Many friends backed away from us, and I believed when my EX said that he was the victim and they were to blame.
You see I was in denial and didn't see the truth really either. Even at the heart of the toxicity, I made excuses and defended him.
How do you know the people you think don't know what he really is. Maybe they actually do know and do nothing. Maybe they tried to warn you and wonder why you married him in the first place.
Sending them the video will not make them see. They will not give you the validation you crave. They could rally around you and stone him in the street and it still wouldn't be enough to take away the anger, either. That kind of validation and forgiveness of your past can only come from within you.
Keep the video for your uses or for the police.
Congratulations on leaving such hell!
Alice