WHat you're describing
(the 'hang on for him' thing)
is what *I* think
is the magentism
between a codie and an alcoholic.
An alcoholic needs someone to see them suffer.
A codie...needs to be needed.
Put them together
and you get that dark magnetic fire.
We have learned that to come together
as 'likes of the same kind'
helps us to step out of that magnetic circle
and into beauty.
That 'magentism' is also a deadly illusion.
The codie drains away to nothing
trying to be the life force for two
and the alcohlic drinks themselves away
unfettered by the responsibility
of destroying two lives.
And neither can stop
without outside help.
So what all that verbage that I probably ought to erase is trying to say is:
you can't hold on 'for him'
you never could.
and you never did.
that's the illusion.
Thing is -
what's replenishing you in the meantime?
Posting here and making new friends
helps tremendously.
I'm so very glad you started posting!
It saved me... it can do the same for you.