Pregnant and in need of support
Hello, I'm new here. Just stumbled upon this website by accident in fact while looking for some direction and support.
Well, I'm married to an alcoholic in denial, and we have a 2 year old son who absolutely adores his father, and another baby due in 6.5 weeks. My husband has always been a heavy drinker, but in the past 1.5 years has increased to the point I would say he is an alcoholic. He had a pretty tough upbringing to say the least, and am sure his increase in drinking is partly to do with the old issues that have reared their heads now that he has a son of his own. At the same time he started his own business, which was not successful and used up all our savings so felt like he had failed me and our son completely and he became very depressed and turned to alcohol. He then got a job working alongside an alcoholic who has no partner or children and has been to aa but decided he would prefer to keep drinking rather than change. It has only been in this last job that I have gotten to the point of feeling enough is enough.
I want to try to make things work for my son's sake, as AH is not abusive, neglecful etc, but a really wonderful father who just lacks a bit of patience and has a short fuse now and then. However, I have gotten to the point where I just can't deal with his drinking any more. He has a couple in the evenings after work when he gets home which doesn't worry me (I join him with a glass of wine when I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding), but on the weekends he will continuously drink midstrength beer from 11am onwards, consuming around 15 a day on average. I have let AH know a few times that I can't have our children growing up thinking this is normal and acceptable, and that I need him to decide what he wants, to keep drinking or us, and he always makes a big effort to cut back after that and try to sort his issues out (he has even gone to a counsellor when I have asked him to). However since Christmas and New Year (a VERY merry 10 days for him) his drinking has completely blown out. We had a public holiday on Wednesday, and to celebrate he bought 24 full strength beers (which he never drinks anymore), drinking 10 on Tuesday night and 14 the following day. For me that was the final straw, and while I didn't say anything he could tell from my mood. I was going to see what this weekend brought, and if nothing changed tell him I was going to stay with my parents for a month or two after the baby is born to try to work out what I was going to do. Anyway, Thursday night he gets home early from work, gives me a big kiss and hug, telling me that come Monday a whole lot is going to change. I didn't ask what he meant, though am sure it's about his drinking, smoking and helping out around the place a lot more. Once again he has been drinking a lot today, but I am holding my breath and waiting to see what Monday brings. He gave up smoking pot for me 7 years ago, so I do have hope.
Whatever comes to happen over the next few weeks and months though, I feel that if I take my son away from his father that I will be taking away his happiness, so really don't know what to do. Do I wait until I can no longer live with my AH but not to the point where my mood has an effect on my son? I dearly love him and the person he is, until Saturday and Sunday afternoons that is, and would be lost without him. However my son would be devastated. Either way, I have been preparing myself for the past 6 months in the event that I find myself a single working mum of a toddler and newborn baby.
As you can see, I'm at a loss as to where this is taking me and what to do when I get there. Any words of wisdom would be wonderful to hear.
Thanks for reading and responding to my novel of a post!!