Hi Pink,
Glad you are still posting and listening, even if you haven't taken all the actions some of us would like to see. I hope we are beginning to get through to you.
My firsthand experience is that I couldn't bootstrap myself out of depression---I needed outside help. While you are depressed, by definition life looks bleak and hopeless and you don't see how to move forward. Even with a sympathetic spouse it can be scary and lonely. (for the record, I didn't have a sympathetic spouse) For me meds helped a lot, but as others have said, they don't work as well (or at all) if you have been drinking.
Please get help. Tell the doctor exactly what has been going on with alcohol, meds (not taken or not working) and your thoughts and how desperate you are. Be forceful and don't minimize. You deserve attention and treatment. Please please ask for it. You are worth it, but do it soon.
D