Thank you Lexie. And thank you for telling me I dont have to leave. There is a part of me that thinks I should, but most of me feels like it would only hurt him more. Would give him even more of a reason to drink. So for now I will stay.
I am trying to help myself. It was really hard for me to look online and find places to read. Reading things brings back all those memories I had tucked away. But being here and reading has made me realize, that without me knowing, I needed to face all those feelings and pain again.
As far as going to meetings/counseling myself, its really hard because I dont have his support. I know it sounds like an excuse, but its true. Its hurtful when you dont have support from the one person that should be there to give it. This is all a process for me. I do think about it but Im not quite there yet.
I know I sound like Im making alot of excuses for both of us. It took alot of soul searching and endless tears to tell him I was breaking up with him. I knew it would take away the control he thought he had over me. It has made a difference in how I look at things now. Made me realize I was only draining myself. I feel different now. I have alot more feelings to go. It will take alot of work, but I know I will be okay.