I always felt disgusted with my ex when he was in that state. Then I realized that truly, I was disgusted with myself because I was allowing myself to be in a relationship with someone who acted that way. I had no self-respect. Expecting my ex to change because that's what I wanted was ridiculous. He was a drug addict doing what drug addicts do. If I wanted change, it was going to have to come from me.
Ditto,ditto, ditto. Your life doesn't have to be like this. I too know what it feels like to put yourself in he Canbells Soup recipe photos. It doesn't work. Figure out a plan for you and your kids and work it. We give too much credit to the 'working man'/ 'family' analogy. If it works, it's great, but with addicts it doesn't.