"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept" -Bill Watterson.
These people on this forum aren't trying to make you feel worse about your situation. They just see things differently then you can with your nose right in the middle of it. They see their own lives and choices in your posts; their own denial that took them a lot of time to break down. My brick wall of denial to my AH is coming down, one ***** at a time. It's hard to hear and makes us defensive, but they're right.
I am embarrassed to admit I let my AH convince me that I needed therapy because of my 'inability to communicate with men". The therapist, after 30 minutes of hearing me describe my relationship with my husband, said he's an alcoholic. I spent another 5 sessions arguing with him! $500 wasted on denial! He finally told me to save my money and go to Al-Anon; that would only cost me a dollar a visit. 6 months later, I broke down and went to a meeting. Now, 8 months later and separated, with the AH 60 days into AA, I feel like I should write that therapist a note thanking him for at least planting some seeds even though I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.
Seeds are being planted here. Trust me - one day they will take root. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your baby. The damage from this emotional roller-coaster ride through hell and back is great!