Hi everyone,
Wow, I had no idea my thread was so popular. I really appreciate everyone's input. And just to make things clear - I am not only looking here for success stories, although yes, that was one of the top things on my list. I also wanted to hear people's thoughts so I could try and make sense of what I'm thinking and also see my situation 'from the outside'. And I am finding what I came here for.
I will stand by my decision to make it possible for my husband to stay sober by letting him go to meetings whenever he feels he needs to (and he has been going, sometimes he'd go twice a day). Unfortunately in our case we can't be out of the house at the same time. Which doesn't mean I sit around waiting for him. I have quality 'me' time when he's gone and I've really been enjoying it. I watch lame movies, read books, tonight I'm planning on organizing our 'let's-throw-everything-in-there' drawer.
As for the reason he wants to stay sober - I think what he did just helped him realize how bad it was and how he needs to be serious about the program. I know he has the desire to quit drinking because his life has become unmanageable. He wants to keep his family. Are those reasons enough? I can ask him why else.
I think this whole recent 'sh*tstorm' helped me realize a few things. First of all, to never say never. Also, to not judge things by appearances, and also, stop caring that much about appearances.
I spoke to my counselor yesterday and she helped me realize a few things about my marriage. I wasn't able to say why I loved my husband. I've never needed a reason to, I just love him. She asked about qualities and I could only think of a few, but I'm not good at describing people, I will look into it today and make a list.
I came home and I asked my husband why he loved me. He went on for about 5 minutes straight, saying all the things I never even thought he paid attention to, little things, you know? It was beautiful and I think the first time we've ever had a conversation like that. And that's what made me realize that we never take time to talk about us. I told him I felt like I was giving more than I was getting and the 'I didn't ask you' just doesn't seem right. We have a long way to go from where we are now to a strong marriage we want to be. Where there's a will, there's a way though, right?