Lushwell - thanks, I guess. Both my hubby and I bring different things into our relationship. And there's something in his personality that makes him think whatever great things happen for him, he's bound to lose them and doesn't deserve them. He's improved a lot and is starting to believe he's worthy and wonderful and I love him for who he is.
FormerDoormat - I know it's 2 guys. I don't want my husband to promise me 'the other guy' (the drunk) won't do coke or cheat on me. The only thing he promised to do and the only thing I hold him accountable for is not drinking, so not becoming 'the other guy'. That's all he can control. I don't know what else to say.
And I do believe he will change, isn't AlAnon all about hope? That's all they wanted me to admit at the forst meeting I went to - that I had hope. And I didn't back then. I do now.
And although I don't have a guarantee he won't drink again, I cannot put my and my daughter's life on hold, or our marriage on hold. I'll see where we are in a few months and we will then decide whether to have another kid or not. I can't hold off and only have another child after he's been sober for 10 years. It's the same uncertainty. I know the risk is higher in an alcoholic's case, but when deciding to have a child, no couple has any certainty they'll live happily ever after.