Thanks to all of you for your replies. I wrote this mainly to occupy my mind, do something besides drink. Also to get affirmation (if I was spiritually well, wouldn't need that) I have "analyzed this to death". You (plural, y'all) have helped me accept this.
I need more faith and acceptance, and of course support from those willling and able. Getting better every day with your help.
Can you share La Femme, how you conditioned yourself to gag at the thought of alcohol? Off hand I can think of only one unpleasant way. Please forgive my asking about something I deem so personal.
"The only stupid question, is the one you don't ask"