SWAN,
Congrats, you really are working your program hard. I appreciate determination.
You remind of a story: If there are three birds on a wire and one of them decides to fly away, how many birds do you have left=3. Just because one decides to fly away does not mean it flew away.
Drinking thoughts can be uncomfortable, scary and can come out of nowhere, but having a though and taking action are two different things.
Come to think of it, I have not had a drinking dream in quite a while. I used to have one or two a week the first few weeks. Not that I miss them.
No sense in being bitter or ashamed, unless you break down and fly away.