Someone here shared how they were always 'addicted to something' and it really rang a bell for me. From my obsession with books since I could read to never being able to be single from the moment I was old enough to have boyfriends..then add to this the fact that I've always been a curious little mischief maker who loves to see and be seen (and got caught up in 'the scene'). Started with pot in high school..then lsd and shrooms and coke..never really cared for alcohol until I was in early 20s because by then i was a mother and had stopped (right before i got pregnant) substances, figuring booze was safe and socially acceptable since it was legal. Was really good with that (as in sticking to just drinking, not that I ever was good at not blacking out once I got started!) until about 2-3 years ago when started doing lines again most times that I drank. So basically, every weekend for last 2-3 years was drinking and hitting the slopes. Ok..that was HOW I drank/used but why i did it? Because the first many times it was great until it started becoming not so great. I'd get anxiety attacks before going out because I KNEW I would (most likely) be blacking out from drinking or doing something to embarrass myself and then of course I'd drink to calm the anxiety. Lovely little cycle. Disgusted with myself for last time on 12/27/10. We all know what that definition of insanity is and I MUST and will be healthy now and forever. I now know I have this disease and I'll never be able to moderate. Thanks SR for being in existence! Thank God we all live in 2010!