Thanks Shellcrusher - yes, yours was one of the 'meanest' posts
I know you mean well though, so I took it and considered it.
You're right about the shift. Surprisingly, a day can make a huge difference in post-betrayal recovery. Stopping to imagine them together helped a big deal. I was only torturing myself with that and it wasn't going anywhere. Also, the posts about what a bad cheater my hubby dearest is, helped me reassure myself that I love him and will help him stay the wonderful self that he is when he's not drinking. I am mean to him often, but I will defend him from everyone else. I know, I will have to hear about this statement from you guys, but it's true. I know our marriage is worth fighting for because of all the love we have. I also went to confession yesterday in order to try and believe again, I know that AlAnon won't work for me if I don't have a higher power and in my case that could only be God. Maybe that's why I felt out of place at my first meeting. But you're wrong about my energy - none of it was put towards the girl. She's not the problem. I just described her to you so you get the idea and also believe him that they won't 'miss' each other and neither of them cared who the other person was. He was halfconscious and wasn't thinking, she just 'did her thing', whoever was in the room with her. Once again, I don't care about her and both him and I don't talk about her anymore (other than hoping she stay away from his brother.. which I think she will after he told her I knew)