Originally Posted by
cutelittlewife 
Freedom1990!
You have no idea how grateful I am for your post. Everyone here has been so helpful, but I kept getting crushed inside by the percentage of people who decided not to stay in their relationships after the affair and also the percentage of the spouses who cheated again. I was losing all the hope and then you came. I teared up reading your post. Thank you again.
He does know the drill and like I said before, he was sober for 21 months and was the greatest guy and daddy during that time.
And I do admit, I felt guilty for driving him away from meetings by whining that he's never home with me and he likes his AA buddies more. And then his sponsor relapsed and he stopped going altogether. And i was stupid enough to be all ecstatic he was home more...
You know, my only concern is that I don't know what to do when I get the feeling he's more inclined to drink. Like before he relapsed I knew it was coming. I asked him to maybe go to a meeting but he said he didn't want to.
What do I do when this happens? I guess I could call his sponsor to get his ass out to a meeting, right? At that point he didn't have one. He said he'll get an old timer now, his previous sponsor was his buddy and he only had about 2 years on.
Any suggestions?
I'm glad I could share my experience with you.
As for what you can do if you get that feeling about his inclination to drink, it's not your responsibility. I know that's a tough one to swallow, but I spent years depleting myself trying everything in the book to 'help' my oldest daughter. I nearly lost my mind.
He's an adult. He's responsible for his recovery, including finding an experienced sponsor who will guide him in his journey, attending meetings, working the steps, and carrying the message to others.
You didn't 'drive him away' from meetings, I guarantee. You are just not that powerful! I am the first in a long line of alcoholics on both sides of the family to break the chains of alcoholism, and my other family members, parents included, have not been so happy or supportive over the years of my recovery. That does
not stop me from continuing in recovery.
I have not had a significant other for a long time now, and have raised two daughters on my own.
My support came from others in recovery, and last August I celebrated 20 years clean/sober. Recovery is possible if you want it badly enough.
You need time to heal from the betrayal of infidelity, and of course his choice to relapse. I know that is painful and frightening. My ex used/drank the day he got out of rehab.
Be gentle with yourself. Take care of you. Have faith in a loving higher power.
