CLW,
I was probably one of the responders who, as tjp613 suggests, was triggered by this thread. It's not my place to get upset about or be triggered by your pain. I was having a codie moment.
It's good to see you asking questions versus covering up and or making excuses for your AH's actions. Those are pretty classic examples of what happens to "us" while we deal with our alcoholic's.
Freedom said it best, "I highly encourage you to start some recovery work for yourself, dear. Consider attending Alanon. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is a book I often refer to."
Take that energy you've been putting on the girl he cheated with and focus it on yourself. I try very hard not to label people but in my situation, I've found that gaining a better understanding of what codependency means has helped me grow which indirectly may be helping my AW.
Your AH's recovery is his alone. You're asking what you can do to get him back on the right track and I won't be alone when I say that you can't. All you can do is get yourself on the right track.
Keep posting. I've witnessed a shift in you since you started this thread and this is a good thing.