Get a support network. If there is anything that will trip you up in this pursuit, it will be from your own head. It is what will give you permission to use again. Good support is critical.
Get a plan. How to recover from chemical dependency is not well covered in our educational systems, and few of us are well equipped to be treating life threatening disorders on our own. Many extol willpower as a means of abstinence. Willpower has not had great success on other health issues, like diarrhea. If you think you can benefit from some guidance and a tried method of action to confront this disorder, it is available for the asking.
There is a way out. There are well marked paths to follow. It is up to you to walk them. If you are ready, there are many people holding lights along the way, and have good advice on dealing with what lies ahead on the path.