FormerDoormat

Found this at the end of an old post. Posted yesterday and don't want it to get overlooked.

"my dad has been an alcohol abuser for a few years now and i can't believe how much his personality has changed. it's like someone has invaded his body and taken his soul. growing up he was the love of my life, my best friend and just the coolest person in the world. i believe his work (having to be away from home), baggage from his youth and extreme low self-esteem and confidence have caused him to depend on alcohol. i got in an argument with him last night and slapped him in the face and told him i never wanted to see him again and he laughed and said "fine." i know i was wrong and let my emotions take over, but can he really mean that? i am his only child and we have always had the most amazing relationship and i felt like he was the one person in the world who would NEVER do anything to hurt me. he opened a beer in the car once while i was driving, i believe just to hurt me.

is he pushing me away? does he really not love me anymore? i think my mom is prepared to leave him, and i think she should. he doesn't think anything is wrong (even though he has admitted to having a problem once in the past) and is impossible to communicate with.

i just don't know if i'm supposed to turn my back on him when i believe many of his issues are internal struggles that are exacerbated by alcohol. he knows we want him to get help and that we are more than willing to help him, but it seems he just doesn't want it and feels that we are gaining up on him. i need advice on how to deal with this. i feel like i have already lost him and should act like he is gone and just learn to cope with it. i miss being his baby and i just want him back so bad.

thanks for letting me vent"