Originally Posted by
Dessycrate 
...I want to stop for my family please god why do i keep doing this. i hate that i can't control my self.
Someone wrote a book titled "There is more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking".
I had to treat the root causes of my drinking before I could be comfortable enough in my own skin to not want to escape from reality. Not drinking (even for years) does not treat those root causes.