thank you everyone for your responses,
Last night around 3am i woke my wife to feed our new born, and pulled her to the computer, to show her that i started this thread.
She stood up and hugged me not saying a thing - then after reading all the information i put here she told me - that she will help me .
I know i will need more help, last time i tried quiting i was hiding beer and wine in the garage and would get into it after the she and the kids went to bed, i would get drunk wasting my self between 11pm and 3am. waking up hungover.
venting here helps i never really sat down and told anyone what i do, how i drunk and for that matter why i drink.
i feel a little better now knowing that today is the first day of the rest of my life, I searched for AA in my town and i found one. I have not called yet, i plan on to later today.
my triggers for drinking , i have yet to understand them. I drink usally to get the stress away and or get into my own world, as it would be late night drinking. Im trying to figure out that myself but talking about it to my wife helps.
I know she will help, but some times i want to vent to someone else as i don't want to put her into the poisition that its her fault why i drink or defect my addiction onto her as im using her as my scap goat. so it's going to be hard but i think AA is the soultion now and her as a back up.
she is a stronger person then i am when it comes to alcohol, she can have 1 or 2 drinks and just stop, i asked her how she can do that and she told me she dosn't like the feeling of being drunk. I dont see how anyone would not like the feeling, to me its nubbing sensation and how i feel being drunk is what keeps be coming back to the alcohol. this might be harder then i thought.