Hi D. Your posts are chock full of what you want to be so, and what you'd prefer not to be true. As if that matters in the least.
You'd rather not to be an alcoholic and required to do lots of difficult things to recover, and you'd like to live to be there for your children, and you don't want to be like your Dad, and, and and.
Guess it's time to figure out what's the reality in your situation and decide if you want the things you want badly enough to do the things you don't want to do, in order to get the more important things you want.
After you come down on the usual side people do when they hurt enough, then it's time to figure out how little of what you don't want to do, you actually have to do to get what you want. My experience is you have to do far, far more than you'd prefer was so.
But, as you go along you'll find that out.
If you can watch others failing by not doing enough and learn from them, then you could possibly short cut the usual process. Just a tip.