I found the only way to change my life was to make changes dessycrate - don't let your shame or pride or fear or whatever else you're feeling stop you from reaching out.
Find some help - whatever way you want to go...it can be the start of the kind of life you want to lead and the the kind of man you want to be.
Here's some links to the main recovery players -maybe something here can be a start.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D