Mamaduck..in the beginning of my 25 year marriage I also would try to discuss my Aw drinking..as the years progressed and the drinking worsens she began to get more and more defensive..it was hard for me not to argue and try to get her to stop for her sake and for our marriage. The arguments got weirder on her part as time went on. She started accusing me of being a drunk and an addict and you name it. The more I pushed the more she would project her issues on to me. I rarely ever drink but she almost had me believing I was a raging alcoholic, drug addict, pervert and psychopath. They do and say anything to take the heat off them. That's how crazy arguing with an alcoholic can get. Hope it doesn't get as bad in your situation, can only let you know how it is with me. They can literally drive you crazy with their irrational thinking. That's why you have to protect yourself and your sanity. I realize since attening alanon and reading posts on SR that you just can't reason with the devil (alcohol) that has a hold of them. They have to defeat it on their own term. Hope he makes the right choice as he seems lucky to have you...