Thank you all for your kindness and compassion. It makes me so upset with myself that I allow my DDH to influence me so much! I try to talk and walk the walk of recovery; but this year has been so hard on me, especially since I can't even walk!
I am so disgusted with my DDH since he expects me to just flow with whatever temperament he's in. I know that I'm a codependent with a capital "C". I've read a lost of posts where the codependents had to leave their marriage because they didn't like who they became with their A's. I now know exactly what they were saying.
I'm glad that the holidays are over and we can get back to our business. My doctor has requested that before my next appointment with him that I see a psychriatrist. Starting tomorrow I start as an outpatient at the Warm Springs Rehab Center for occupational and physical therapy. I'm supposed to go there three times a week for the next month. Now that the holidays are over, I can relax and not worry about saying something that might upset my DDH, so I'm back at my regular dosages.
I've been in such a depressed mood that I haven't felt like talking to anyone except my sons. My sister and niece called me over the holidays but I didn't feel like talking to them. So my DDH answered the phone and talked to them. I perceive them thinking he is now the "good guy".