hi lostfamily-
i think the power of this board is that everyone here has lived with an alcoholic and understands the complex emotional issues involved in watching someone we love self-destruct.
in my experience, other people don't really understand, however well-intentioned they may be. i would imagine that your family, from their view on the sidelines, it appears rather black and white, but we both know it's not.
when i first arrived here and told my story, people here were quite direct in their opinions. at that time, i was so war beaten, i couldn't really process what they were sharing. i was in denial. i wanted him to be different than he was. i wanted to save him, to rescue, to comfort, to be his refuge.
as i continued along in my recovery, rather like a walking zombie i might add, i realized that i had to get the focus off of him and onto myself. what was obvious to other people around me, as they watched me suffer, was not obvious to me because i was so entangled with him.