smite him...just a little? Or send a small lightning bolt to destroy his phone so I can't continue texting him when I shouldn't? Pretty please?
My A husband of 5 years is spiraling out of control and is in full-blown i-don't-care-about-anyone-but-me alcoholism mode. He just got his second DUI in a year. The first was reduced to a reckless, and this one will be too, so no real consequences for him other than cash flow problems, which is nothing new for him. I knew this DUI would happen too because he was driving hammered at least three times a week and couldn't even remember driving home--it was only a matter of time. It is a blessing to the general population that no one has been hurt.
Around the same time, I learned that he has been unfaithful again. The first time was years ago, and I thought it was an isolated incident and gave him a chance to make amends. This time, I think he is actually having an affair, although he won't admit to anything other than there being a second incident of unfaithfulness. Will not share details, will not talk about it, and denies it is a continuing relationship. After admitting the incident, he then tried to deny it and said he lied to me about it occurring because he didn't like me hounding him, and then later he admitted it again after we calmed down and got some space. Typically, I can't believe anything he says.
He says he needs help, and that IS true, but I guess he's not willing to get it. When he's sober, he seems anxious to follow-through with getting help, but he doesn't.
He talks about how I deserve better and someone who will be faithful (and I do). He can't make promises to be faithful, he says, because we are like roommates, and there is no sexual attraction. Of course we are like roommates now because he is drunk all of the time and disinterested in participating in any activities other than drinking, so we haven't been spending time together! I feel like he is throwing the detachment thing back in my face and rejecting me for it! And, sorry, but having sex with a stumbling, slurring, reeking drunk does not make a woman feel safe, sexy, and turned on, anyway.
He says he is not sure he wants a divorce--sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't--he doesn't want to make a hasty decision. He doesn't know what he wants. I think he just wants it all! He wants to live in our nice home (that I pay for), and drink and womanize to his heart's content, with responsible me at home to pick up the pieces and be there for him when he is needy.
I am having trouble just leaving him the heck alone and not hounding him about our marriage. We have gone back and forth with the push and pull so many times over the past month that I think I am addicted to the drama of it and the crumbs of the conversations that make me feel okay...I will tell him to leave, he will convince me we can work through it; he will leave, I will convince him we can work through it. I'm exhausted.
Thankfully, there are no kids involved in this relationship, and I don't need any monetary support from him. How do I just let go and stop obsessing?? It should be easier than this, right?
Do I tell him that if he's not willing to work on the marriage or his issues that he obviously needs to leave and I'll file for divorce? Or has anyone dealt with someone like this, stayed married, and been content? By the way, I do have an appointment to see a counselor, but it is several weeks away!
Thanks for listening!