Sounds like you qualify for alcoholism.
AA saved my life and removed the obsession of drinking. ...but I'm not special as it can work for you too.
The same me will drink again. Maybe this is true with you too? Why not go check out a meeting and get some face-to-face contact with some folks who know how to get and stay sober?
...and remember - you're 100% sober when you reach for that first drink, even though you know it's dangerous. Why do you think that is?
Kjell