I think everyone here can relate - I know I can.
Addiction is an uncontrollable compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its negative consequences
It's the most baffling thing in the world (not only to us but to others, too). I still don't quite understand it, but I definitely got to the point where I felt powerless, too. I think that's when I decided I just had to work this like my life depended on it.....
It really can and does get better........ don't give up!