It breaks my heart that you were posting this on Christmas Day, gee. I have been off of the site for a couple of days...which I am grateful for having peace during this holiday time.
None of us can tell you what to do, and your post has cycled through a lot already. You have kind of landed back to square one and boy do I relate to that. Been there so, so many times myself. I have given up, then AH would do good for a day, then I'd let hope settle in, then he'd go off the deep end again, I'd be a mess again, and the cycle would continue. It is a horrible place to be.
The realities are not pretty for us. We have choices, but not a one of them seem good from the side we are on. Especially for those that still have love for our spouses, nothing looks good - living with them nor leaving or getting out. Speaking from VERY recent experience (my AH has been living somewhere else for 2 weeks) things reached a very high level of painful for me as I worked through the steps to get him out the door. I don't think it could ever "feel" good to go through this. And for some crazy reason, I thought I'd reach a point where I would have no doubts and it would be somewhat easy...I waited for that for 5 YEARS!!!
So this Christmas I handled on my own terms for the very first time. I have felt some peace over the past fews days for the first time in years. Wow...
A few things to think about...your children with autism could very well be eligible for SSI (social security income), if your income is a at certain level. Please look into that.
As far as your sons and their dad's influence, I signed up my son for Boy Scouts. I didn't do this because his dad was not around, however, I did it for fun reasons, but have found it to be good in this area for him.
****{HUGS}}} to you and I hope you are able to figure things out for yourself very soon. Prayers for a miracle that your AH will seek treatment instead of leaving his family. Not sure what pills he is on, but opiates require assistance it seems for most people. Take care.