Originally Posted by beautifulgirl

A few days ago I told my AH to leave. Shortly after he left though I called him and asked where he was going. He told me he was going to stay with his mom who lived 3000 miles away.

Grown, unemployed man, father of 5, returning home to mama?

I panicked. I thought how are my boys going to do the boy things without him.

Kids need a parent, not a playmate.

I thought how am I going to take care of my 5 kids all by myself. We are currently in the process of getting a loan modification and I thought if he was not here we would get foreclosed on and if we did where would we go?

Getting a loan modification is no sure thing and minimally requires employment. He is unemployed because he will not take a drug test. Sounds like no matter what, the house will be foreclosed. You likely have 1-2 years before this happens.

We have chains on every door of our house because our autistic two year old can escape out of any door quickly even when childproofed. Who would rent a place to me and let me put chains on every door?

Lots of places. This is not a reason to stay with an unemployed and abusive man.

Who would put the heavy stuff together or do what I could not?

Staying with an unemployed abusive partner to have someone lift heavy stuff ?

I told him to come back. I did not want the kids to miss Christmas with him and I told him no more drugs. I had no hope really though. He came back and the past few days have been hell. He has been telling me to just give pot a chance and that he would never do pills again if he could just smoke pot.

BS.

I said no over and over and explained why. I care about my kids too much to put them in danger so his illegal desire could be fulfilled.

Make this your mantra.

He is unemployed and has no money. Pot costs money.

Today was Christmas. I got him a nice xmas present. Santa came for the kids. He did not get me anything. Nothing. He did not even tell me Merry Christmas. Of course I felt bad.

He is doing what addicts do. You have no control over this or him. None of us do.

After the morning hours he gave me an ultimatum. The ultimatum is either I give him a chance to smoke pot or he is going to leave all of us. He says he loves us all but he just does not see him being completely drug free.

Believe him.

I told him that we need him; the kids and I. I cried of deep sadness. He does not care. I cannot do anything to bring his heart back to life for us at this time.

You did not cause his addiction. You cannot control his addiction. You cannot cure his addiction. Do you really need another child in your life?

I don't know how to cope or to let him go when he leaves. I don't know if he is bluffing. I feel completely defeated and I do not know where to go from here and how I am going to be able to do it on my own if I have to.