Hi Loathe welcome to the forums of SR.
I sure can relate to the path of self-destruction you apparently are on. Although my destructive ways were done wile in active addiction. I found that a good therapist could help me discover the direct cause of my problems. I could see why I was acting out in a way that would keep me in misery even when many things in my life were running smooth otherwise. These self-defeating behaviors had to be changed otherwise I would be constantly setting myself up for failure in recovery.
I'm active in the mental health community and have seen plenty of people turn their lives around from addiction and severe mental illness with the help of a treatment plan and support. These people like myself found the resources within us, then nurtured and expressed in life. Change happened in me because it is within my means to be the prime agent of change. I just had to learn to let it flow.
Know that you can change and become the person you would like to be. A person that people come to admire and find comfort and joy in their presence.
Here's to a new day and a new you.