Loathe - Welcome to SR and know you have our support in your quest for recovery.
I too found your post a bit to absorb but your honesty and willingness to open yourself up speaks volumes. Addiction and sometimes our need to replace it through other destructive methods has taken many of us to some dark places.
I know as a recovering alcoholic that those years I drank led me to do things I am ashamed of and mostly it was the lack of self worth and hatred I had for myself that closed me off to almost everything and everyone. When I drank.....I literally ceased to exist.
What you have shared may be underlying issues that were masked by your addiction or just the need to continue that thrill seeking high that many drugs, etc. falsely provide. It may also be the ugly nature of continuous self hatred......just some thoughts.
Where you are now is wanting to change. I urge you to seek face to face support. Counseling has been extremely beneficial for me. NA meetings would be a wonderful place to start as well.
You need support and I would advise professional guidance as well.
Glad you are here but I can not stress the urgency in which you need help. Aside from your sexual behaviors.....your reckless behaviors puts the lives of others at risk. That is what concerns me most and what is not acceptable on any level.
It frightens me to think of myself driving down the road or walking through the intersection being now 8 months pregnant and in recovery and having my life and that of my unborn child taken away destroyed because of someone else's desire for a high.
You must reach out for help and begin recovery now. I really am speaking from the heart in this post.
Thinking of you.