I asked DS if he wanted to call his daddy and he said, 'Yes, I want wish him a Merry Christmas and tell him about my present.' So I hand him my phone, DS dials and puts it on speaker phone. XAH had been drinking. His usual for Christmas Day. Not enough to be slurring grotesquely, but enough for his speech patterns to be affected. DS could tell too. Instead of gabbering forever or telling him what he got, he tells him 'Love You' and hangs up.
The GF's email today about the pick up tomorrow was decidedly less cordial.
So, I have a question: Do I ask GF about if XAH had been drinking today when she picks up DS for their dinner tomorrow?
She's supposed to report to the court if XAH drinks, but there is no requirement for testing...
I'm not even living with him any more and I'm still... I don't know. What if
I'm imagining it? There's nothing I can do if he is drinking again, especially if she's not going to report it. Asking her won't do me or DS any good. So, no, I don't think I'll ask. But what do I do?
If I report it, all I can say is it sounded like he'd been drinking. I didn't see him. I have no proof. It's my word against his and possibly hers. Would the court even care? DS was not with him. When DS goes over the visits are supervised so there should be one sober adult around. Would they think that's enough?
In that light, do I just let it go?
How do I let go? I feel like a neurotic lunatic here. Am I just freaking out about the divorce and visits still? Is it just the holidays?
Please. I just want to feel sane. I want to believe DS is safe when he sees his dad... How do you do it? How do you believe when you know that if you hadn't left, you wouldn't be sane or safe?
I am stronger than this. Why am I thrown into such a tailspin by the sound of him drunk again?
