Thank you everyone for your posts in this thread. I also had a few urges today that I have not experienced in some time. After my parents got divorced and re-married the holidays haven't been the same. Both my parents were doing things with their new spouses and their kids today. Although I have a full day with family tomorrow, I felt a bit left out today. I didn't think it would bother me much at all, but when I watched my roommates both leave to visit their families and was left with an empty house I couldn't help but feel a bit lonely. The thought came to me that relaxing with a bottle wine would sure be good. It was the first time in a long while that taking a drink seemed like it might make things better, that it might fill that void I was feeling at the time. It was the first time I had felt like that since I had quit drinking. Then I remembered that that was how I felt almost all the time when I was drinking, how would a drink make that better! I also played the whole tape through. If I am being honest with myself, I know that it won't stop at a bottle of wine. It will be one or two more trips to the liquor store and then I'll finish at the crack house. That is how it always was, why would it be any different today. I've tried it too many times. I called my sponsor immediately, he told me to write a gratitude list. I didn't want to at first because a part of me wanted to sit and feel sorry for myself, but I did it anyway. Although I didn't all the sudden feel like I was on cloud nine when I finished... I did feel a lot better and definitely not as lonely, so I cleaned the house for my roommates so they didn't have to worry about it over the holiday, which made me feel even better. We are all at home now watching tv and eating left over tubby's subs. I'm so grateful that I didn't have to drink today
