findingt

Ugh woke up today feeling crappy, in a bad mood, on my way to work I kept thinking I should just get drunk... and as soon as that thought came into my head all the others started, why not you haven't drank, it's Christmas, you have a few days off, and the best one "you deserve it" I hate it .. deserve what? to get thrashed feel like sh*t the day I decide to stop drinking and start the cycle all over again?

Yet, that's exactly what I want right now, to get plastered. Wtf... so frustrating. Thanks for letting me vent.

suki44883

Sorry you're feeling that way. Unfortunately, it's quite common. The thing is, drinking won't solve any problems and will only add more. You are right to realize that drinking will only bring on more of the same. As I've heard said, there is no situation so bad that drinking won't make worse. Hang in there and find something to do to take your mind off those thoughts. They'll go away and the more often you deny that stinkin' thinkin' the easier it will get.

loveon2legs

Oh I know those feelings ((Big Hugs)) but just remember they are just thoughts....it doesn't mean you have to or should act on them....just acknowledge them and let them go.....do something that relaxes you.....or something that burns up some of that frustration... Ive found meditation a life saver!!!

TheEnd

I know how you feel, I was feeling like that the other day, but drinking isn't going to solve your problems. The only thing drinking is going to do is make you want to drink even more. Don't give into the urge, do whatever you have to not to pick up that drink.....

tooling

Hi man. You're gonna feel this way and it will seem like this is really what you need and want to do. But that's the battle.

Win - don't drink and in a short time the feeling will subside and other activities will fill that void.

Lose - drink and stay in the rut unto death. That's really harsh but true actually if you abuse.

You know what I am thinking about? How I can fit enough workout sessions in with the gym closed for the holiday. That's what filled my void.

give it time, and don't fall in .

sunrise1

It's good that you're recognizing these feelings and hopefully they've passed by now... I find that posting here sometimes brings me back down and connects me back to a calmer state. Also finding a meeting helps immensely. Just walking in the room and seeing my "peeps" generally changes my outlook.

Best to you and hang in there!

ZZworldontheweb

Recognizing that your thoughts are going in the wrong direction, and processing them like that, is just what you should be doing. Good job.

ItsMe23

i know the "you deserve it", deserve blacking out and spending the entire next day feeling like trash. the give in is never ever worth it, instead add another day to your sober count.

findingt

Thanks guys, really appreciate your responses.

Feeling much better the strong feeling has passed, it's still lingering a bit in the back of my mind but I know it'll pass. There's alcohol in the kitchen right now, being Christmas Eve and all a couple co-workers already had a drink, been in there a couple times but I just don't see myself pouring one and the thought actually grosses me out.

As I've read on here, I'm thankful to be sober and wanting to drink rather than being drunk wanting to be sober. Happy Christmas Eve everyone!!

You'll all be in my prayers!!

artsoul

That's it!! And those feelings really do go away even though they can get intense.

I always have trouble right before a big event - it's hard not to want to run from all the anticipation. And we think we're supposed to be happy during the holidays......so every little bad feeling is amplified.

Go with the flow and stay strong!! You'll make it!:ghug3

CarolD

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones

findingt

Thanks Carol! The same to you and your loved ones.

Artsoul, I think you're right the anticipation of the holidays reached its peaked today. I'm on my way to spend Christmas with my family, I know theres gonna be beer which is my drink of choice, so I'm kinda nervous.

I'm just a few days short of 60 days so I really don't wanna blow it. Its the longest time in about 10 years. Sigh ..

TheNile

Are you into Tibetan Buddhism? That's my life philosophy of choice, although I have not practiced it for a while.

NYCDoglvr

Oh yea, that's alcoholism. You only have to get through today without a drink. That's it. Where I am that's about 7 hours. You can do it and then tell others how you did it.

A hug!

Kmber2010

Merry Christmas Finding! I am glad to see your update and you can work through anything without compromising your sobriety. I have 8 months and today for whatever reason I was just a bit overwhelmed from recent events in my personal life. I had a just a total meltdown it seemed and I came to SR. Actually typed a huge thread but when I got towards the end of the numerous paragraphs....I felt calmer.....felt composed again. It helped me just being here.

We are here for you and I can't express enough how much SR has been invaluable in my recovery. I am glad to see you do the same thing!

rws177

The holidays are filled with emotion but will pass. Glad to hear your staying strong!

JOBL

I just left a good friends house after spending 4 hours there being the only one not drinking at all. There was at least a case and a half of beer gone through as well as some liquor. I it was hard to was hard to say the least but is refreshing to see that I can really still exist and not drink beer. These people are life long friends and I sure don't want their alcohol use or the lack of mine to in any way effect our friendship --- some tough times ahead for me I am sure.

ElectroHouse

Thank you everyone for your posts in this thread. I also had a few urges today that I have not experienced in some time. After my parents got divorced and re-married the holidays haven't been the same. Both my parents were doing things with their new spouses and their kids today. Although I have a full day with family tomorrow, I felt a bit left out today. I didn't think it would bother me much at all, but when I watched my roommates both leave to visit their families and was left with an empty house I couldn't help but feel a bit lonely. The thought came to me that relaxing with a bottle wine would sure be good. It was the first time in a long while that taking a drink seemed like it might make things better, that it might fill that void I was feeling at the time. It was the first time I had felt like that since I had quit drinking. Then I remembered that that was how I felt almost all the time when I was drinking, how would a drink make that better! I also played the whole tape through. If I am being honest with myself, I know that it won't stop at a bottle of wine. It will be one or two more trips to the liquor store and then I'll finish at the crack house. That is how it always was, why would it be any different today. I've tried it too many times. I called my sponsor immediately, he told me to write a gratitude list. I didn't want to at first because a part of me wanted to sit and feel sorry for myself, but I did it anyway. Although I didn't all the sudden feel like I was on cloud nine when I finished... I did feel a lot better and definitely not as lonely, so I cleaned the house for my roommates so they didn't have to worry about it over the holiday, which made me feel even better. We are all at home now watching tv and eating left over tubby's subs. I'm so grateful that I didn't have to drink today

wicked

I am so glad to hear that ElectroHouse.
I am making a gratitude list right now.
Merry Christmas from Waterford, MI.

Beth

findingt

Hi TheNile, I've been reading a lot on it lately and I really like it, I turn to certain things I've read so far in regards to my drinking. I can't say I practice it as I don't know enough yet.


Hi NYC! 7.40pm were I'm at and I'm happy to say I haven't had a drink. My family (which is quite small) know my struggles with alcohol and although there is beer in the fridge they bought sparkling juice so we can toast, I thought that was sweet

Merry Christmas to you too Kmber!! I also use SR constantly, I don't post much but I'm on here reading a lot.

ElectroHouse - way to go! Congrats on not drinking! I wrote my gratitude list this morning when the urge was really strong, and being grateful always helps.

For anyone I missed, thanks for your thoughts and Merry SOBER Christmas to all of you and your loved ones!!!

Love
~T