Round 2
Well, I joined this board back in February of 2009. I stayed sober for just over a year and a half. I was proud of myself, but I never felt content with my decision. And then over the summer, I was out with some friends, and I was tired of NOT drinking. I was convinced that I could become a social drinker and be aware of how much I was drinking. So I started again. It started with a few beers out with friends and I didn't over indulge. I then went out the next weekend and controlled myself. I had told myself that I would only drink in social situations. And then it all went downhill. I started going out more often so I could drink more often. I started watching the NFL games on the weekends (which I had never done before) just as an excuse to get some beer. I started drinking more and more often until within 4 months, I had slipped back to where I had been almost 2 years ago when I decided to quit drinking. I went out the other night with some old co-workers. I don't remember getting home. I woke up and my car was in the front bushes. I went to go move it and I had McDonald's take out all over the front seat. I don't remember going to McDonald's. I thought, is this really all I'll ever be? What if I had killed someone? What if I had killed myself? Clearly, I can't drink socially. Clearly, I was wrong in thinking that I had alcoholism beat. But I feel better, as weird as it sounds, having tried. I am 27, and the thought of giving up drinking FOREVER seems nearly impossible. I had felt deep down that I KNOW when I am drinking too much and that I make a conscious choice to have another drink when I know I shouldn't. So I felt like I could control it. After trying and failing, I now know that I can never be a social drinker. So now, I think I'm ready to give it up for good and never look back. No more "what ifs" because I already know the ending should I choose to drink again. So here we go, round 2....and unlike a boxing match, there will be no round 3. The fight ends here.