Hi Goldengirl. I understand what you're going through regarding Christmas. I agree with the other posts here. As you already know, he'll just be 'using' you for the day because his drinking buddy's will probably be unavailable on Christmas day and as Thumper said, he's acting like a self-pitying, whining cry baby....playing the 'poor, unloved me' card and hoping you'll buy into it.
Having said that, think about what Naive said. How many miserable Christmases have you had dealing with active A's? If you've never had that experience, why start now? I can relate to miserable Christmases as without fail, my exADFH has managed to create all kinds of drama every year at Christmas since I met him...this will be the 7th Christmas.
Last year was the first year I decided to organise and enjoy Christmas in spite of him. I did not rely on him to be there, help organise, buy anything or even put the BBQ together. He showed up Christmas morning but felt so uncomfortable because my house was full with friends and family, he left after a few hours...It was the best Christmas I'd had in years!
We have a daughter together and seriously, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of him coming here. After his non-stop drinking for 4 weeks and abusive phone call last week, he rang yesterday and asked if he could pick up our daughter on Christmas morning and I said, "No, she needs to be here with her brothers, sisters, family and friends." He wanted to have her because on this one day of the year, he was feeling all sorry for himself. He, in affect wanted to 'use' her for the day. So, instead, he's coming here to watch her unwrap presents in the morning and have breakfast. I already know he won't stay long because I have heaps of people coming here and the focus won't be on him. Plus he'll be too hung over to enjoy anything. Again, if it weren't for my daughter, I wouldn't have him here at all. What for? Same goes for you. If you give into the 'guilt', and spend the day with him, how are you going to feel the next day when he 'abandons' you all over again and you don't hear from him for God knows how long?
It's a hard time of year for many of us. All the best to you in not giving in to him.
