I am so sorry this is happening to you and right during Christmas. 2 years ago about 2 days before Christmas my xah went totally batsh** and scared us all so much that I took the kids with me to work. I locked all 3 of us in the bedroom that night with my cell phone and charger. I have no idea when he got in. The next day he acted like nothing happened. I put clothes for me and the kids in the back of my car in case there was a next time--and there was and that is when we left for good.
You are being a good father. Repeat that to yourself over and over. Remember your daughter had to put herself on the bus. Your AW thinks she has no problem and is now in threatening mode. There comes a time when you have to save yourself and your family. It sounds like you have reached that point.
xah threatened up a storm to take the kids away--yeah, like that was going to happen. When I filed for divorce I got primary placement of the kids. He refused to engage in the legal process so we were ordered to attend mediation-first for custody and placement and then for the financial. Before custody and placement mediation we were both sent forms to fill out. Amazingly of the 8 questons that required further explanation if answered yes--I answered yes to 6 of them.
One condition I brought up for placement (we have joint custody with impasse for medical and mental health issues--which really makes no difference, he can't make any decisions about the kids and I know it). So he also has placement--not just visitation. But a condition of placement that I brought up was that no alcohol or controlled substances could be consumed 12 hours before and during periods of placement. This of course had to go both ways. Do I follow it. Sure do. I don't drink much at all anymore since I have the kids most of the time. Does he follow it-nope. But I can't prove it. However, he knows I will bust his a** if he gets drunk or high with the kids around and my oldest knows when he is drunk and does not want to be around him when he is.
I have to give him credit--lately, when he knows he has a gig (he is a musician) he will ask if I will take the kids that night. Is he doing it for the sake of the kids-no. He could care less if they are up most of the night waiting for him to get home from a gig. He is doing it because he wants to drink and he can't drink if he has the kids-even if they are at a babysitter because that would fall within the 12 hours before area of no alcohol or controlled substance use. Progress? Slight. At least he admits to himself he will drink and be breaking the law if he does have the kids.
You are at one of the toughest points. I know it does not feel like it now, but it will get better for you and your daughter. Keep her close and give her a great Christmas-free of drama and nastiness. Keeping you both in my thoughts.