Hi Everyone,
I am new to SR and have spent the better part of the last 24 hours reading your posts, crying, laughing and feeling less alone than I have in a very long time.
For ease of reading, I will call him AH (though we are not married, we have 2 daughters and 10 years "together").
At first it was fun. I was young and a bartender. ( I see the attraction now) We went out a lot to bars and clubs, it was fun, everyone was doing it. Looking back, I remember talking briefly on the phone to AH's brother who said that he and his mom were just concerned that I was enabling AH. I had no idea what that meant, it might as well have been in another languange. I remember the day when I found the empties...it was all so confusing to me. I couldn't understand why he would keep empties for so long-there must have been a year's worth there. WRONG. Probably a week or two worth of them. I had no previous experience with alcoholism in my life. It really started hitting home when he was drunk when I was giving birth to our first daughter. It has been a steady decline ever since. He is verbally abusive to me (even in front of the kids) he can't keep a job, drives drunk all the time and has the look, smell and deteriorated brain function of a late stage alcoholic. A few months ago, I leased a house for my daughters and I and we got out of there. For about a month things were really good for us. Then he was evicted. I agreed (being the codie that I am) to let him stay on my couch occasionally. At least I could kick him out legally. I finally got him to agree to go into a rehab, which he ended up being a no show for. He was living in his car for a bit, then the really cold temperatures hit. I use the metaphor that it is like he has a crowbar and just pushes his way in. Except his crowbar is guilt and manipulation. About a week ago I had enough and told him to get out, and he did. It is very hard on me...he texts constantly about the "hell that I put him in" and how I am cold and heartless and how he hopes that I die a slow death and go straight to hell, etc. He plays on my emotions and is currently using the holidays as his excuse to need to come over. Problem is, once he walks through the door it takes everything I have in me to get him out. I am trying to be humane (it is below zero) but again sacrificing my well being and that of the kids for his comfort. Recently I have been experiencing headaches, neck soreness and nosebleeds, which I think is all stress related to this. His parents/brother have been going through this for years with him, and are not willing to help him or deal with it in any way, shape or form. I am at that stage now as well, however I am the one who he calls, texts and guilts on a daily basis. I guess what I really need is a good pep talk. I wish he would have come with a disclaimer. Any input, advice or anything else would be greatly appreciated. I need to get off of this roller coaster once and for all.
Thanks for listening. This was the shortest version possible.
