Originally Posted by steve1840

It is one thing to say you care about someone; it is another to sit down and take the time to listen carefully.
thank you tb. i am trying to listen. i hear things, but something else takes over my thoughts.

since you won't leave her be now... you are becoming more of an obstacle than a help
this is what i need explained to me. i don't understand how i am not letting her be. i don't preach or lecture her. i don't stand in the way of what she does.


when an addict says they will quit but still dabbles around with the drugs it infuriates those trying to get the addict help........ but there comes a time when the addict has to stop playing around and stop saying things and making promises and basically lying to themselves about how bad it is... it comes down to action... stopping the addiction no matter how painful it is
this seems to be the situation. there is dabbling, perhaps more than dabbling. it does not infuriate me though. i wonder whether she lies to herself about how bad it is and i do hope she gets to the point where she will not want to do anything anymore.

i guess i am credulous as well. she talks to me about things and wants to know what i think about things. some of what she tells me, i might not believe at first, but then i take her word for it (like i said earlier about not wanting to not believe someone).

i wish she quit all drugs use, but i at least know i cannot make that happen. i want to believe that she'll be able to get on her feet and repair her life. i was reading a book last night that hit on one of my issues: it is about us detaching or leaving them and them getting better. the concern is that after leaving them, they get better, but see that us leaving was an end to the relationship, so they move on to someone else.
i know i am basically standing on the sideline waiting. again, maybe i am gullible in that i believe her whne she says that she does want to be wit hme whe nshe gets better. so i guess i just wait. maybe its not healthy. maybe i am addicted to her. i feel then it is unfair of me to just leave her if what she says is true, about her loving me, but not having to work on herself. part of me feels i could say- you work on yourself and get better, when you are ready i'll be there

i know i was getting better with less contact. but now that she is making some attempt at changing things, i have the feeling that i am leaving at the wrong time. i am afraid of leaving when she may need the support of a friend during this. i know i don't think about myself. all i get concerned about is hurting her. i don't know how to be different.

i may be in this funk in part because my folks just had to come up from the south because my dad has to undergo major surgery this coming tuesday. we'll be in the hospital for a week with a 4-6 week recouperation period. there's too much i am trying to balance right now.