Eight Ball

Perfectly normal and not selfish at all. I think its the 'fight or flight' response and you are choosing to 'flight' this time. It must be so painful for you and you may need to do this to protect yourself from the pain. It sounds like its time to look after yourself and put yourself first. Its such a powerful disease that its heart rendering sometimes, there seems to be no logic as to why alcoholics choose alcohol before family and loved ones.

I hope your mum eventually finds sobriety, but in the meantime put yourself first and please dont feel selfish about it. Find an Al-anon meeting too as this will be a great help for you, to work out where you fit into your mums world and why you need to take care of you.